Karma bit me in the ass

I promised a blog about how Mom was becoming my Grandma but lately I have been to sad to write something funny. As I was compiling my list of how Bev was Betty all I could think of was how much I miss my Grandma. Instead of finding humor in the Bev to Betty transformation all I found was sadness. I truly believe that Grandma still communicates to me...I am not crazy...I don't hear voices so don't be calling Jeni to see if there any open beds at Mental Health. But I know that Grandma has guided me through the last few years and today I am certain she put humor back into my life.
I come from a long line people with the klutz gene in their DNA. Today as Mom was describing to me how she fell when she was outside and smashed the freshly picked tomatoes that were in her pocket all I could think of was Grandma falling on her way home from Kroger...stopping traffic so she could gather her groceries and eyeglasses. Now I understand both of the above mentioned falls were very serious but believe me we are so accustomed to falling that it has become very comical..2 broken legs myself from falling and I still laugh about having the klutz gene.
Today was a busy day, two Dr appointments with Mom, Hannah leaving for cross country camp and haircuts for Hayden and I, my mind was always on something...as I pulled into Mom's second Dr appointment I realized that I was at the wrong Dr's office.....I was at the Kids Dr! Now mind you I had no kids with me...I swear I could hear Grandma laughing at me as I raced across town to the right Dr's office. After the Dr appointment I went to Kroger to get Hannah's required camp food from the list she gave me an hour before.... as I was checking out the cashier was looking at me like I had grown another nose and said "um hun I don't think this card is going to work" as she handed me back my Blue Cross Card. I said if you only knew how much I have used that card lately you would understand why its the first card I pull out of my wallet! At this point I have no choice but to laugh at myself all the way out to the car. I know Grandma is thinking....So you think Bev is becoming me, well honey you better take a look in the mirror!

Mom is doing well. She still has all her hair and she is even growing hair back where they shaved it for her surgery. Every time we see a Dr they tell her she is going to loose her hair. She told me today that she wishes she would just start loosing it so she wouldn't have to shave her legs. I told her I would get Suzy to come over and give her a wax job. I think she is weaker than she was, she has trouble climbing stairs ( see the above mentioned fall ) and sometimes even standing up is difficult. I also noticed she is shaking more than before. During our last Neurologist visit the Dr said the tremors were from the brain tumor and the seizure medication would keep them minimal. I called the Dr today to see if they should up her dosage...he is going to call me back. The steroid is helping with her appetite and making her face really round. Dan said "your Mom looks cute with her round face" and I agree she does look cute! Dr Littles sent Mom for a blood test to check her vitamin D because she was not sleeping well. The results came back as deficient so she is on a vitamin D 500000 once a week to be eaten with a fatty meal. She takes that fatty meal very seriously and plans for it all week. This week it is going to be prim rib and mashed potatoes thanks to Charlene.
Tuesday we went to the Social Security office and it looks like Mom will begin receiving Social Security Disability real soon. We were told that as long as one of her Dr's confirms her diagnosis she will be approved. They also said because she is stage 4 the process only takes about a week instead of several months. I guess that one benefit of stage 4 brain cancer.is that you move to the front of the line at the Social Security Office.
We got Hannah's results back last Thursday. She has a benign breast parenchyma with sclerosing adenosis. Yah thats what I thought too:) The Dr dumbed it down for us.....a normal substance growing between the skin and breast tissue. She suggests to leave it in and have a re-check in 3months for further growth. Hayden had an appointment for his leg and they took his cast off. He was so happy until the Dr came in and told him it wasn't healed and they were going to put another on on for 3 more weeks. He was so bummed. I feel so bad for him he will still have his cast on for their first cross country meet. I am humbled by all the people that care about my children. There is not a single day that goes by that someone isn't asking about them. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
Oh yah I almost forgot...Dad was standing on the tire of his truck and was reaching into the bed to get a bag when his foot slipped off the tire and he fell onto the side of the truck and broke his ribs. He is in a lot of pain and is moving very slowly. Never fear Dan and Jay are taking care of things around their house until Dad heals. They are lucky to have such great son-in-laws and Jeni and I are lucky to have such great husbands.

she always wanted to be a blonde

Wednesday is Dr. day at Jeppesen Radiology that means every Wednesday after your treatment you see Dr. Littles. Today he told Mom that she was going to start loosing her hair really soon. Her reply was "oh well that doesn't bother me....it will grow back" Jeneva thought she would help Grandma with a new hairstyle. Little did we know Mom always wanted long luxurious blonde hair.

This week Mom has discovered the funny side of cancer. One day when she went for her treatment they told her to take off her shirt and bra for her treatment...her response was OK but I'm not sure why you need me to do that when I am getting the radiation on my head. The tech apologized to her over and over all the time Mom was cracking up. Then when they put the mask on her nose got caught in the mask and it was pushed up pig style, she laid on the table laughing so hard she was crying. She was laughing so hard she couldn't talk and the poor tech didn't know what was wrong finally when she could talk she told him her nose was stuck and they had a good laugh together. Later in the week she and Dad went to the movie and saw Grown-ups. She is still talking about the guy with the KFC bucket on his head and laughs every time she talks about it. Comedy has always been my coping mechanism and now it seems that it is Mom's too. She thinks Jeni and I are hilarious!

Mom is feeling pretty good. So far she really isn't having any of the side effects from the chemo and radiation that we were so afraid of. We all know that she has a long ways to go but we are really enjoying our times together while she is feeling good. Today she got a prescription for thrush. She has thrush but none of the symptoms so hopefully this antibiotic will kick in before her mouth gets sore.

Tomorrow Hannah has her biopsy. She is scheduled at noon and it should take about 2 hours. She is a little nervous tonight and so is Hayden. He wanted me to assure him that Hannah's surgery wasn't dangerous to her and that nothing would happen to her while she was in surgery. Something good has come out of all of the turmoil in our lives and its that my kids have stopped bickering and have become very good friends. Some nights long after we have gone to bed I can hear them upstairs laughing & talking. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall let me tell you. I can only hope that they will grow up to be as close as me and my sister and brothers.

Thanks again to all Mom's friends for the continuous phone calls, cards, visits & e-mails ( thanks Pam)

Next blog I am going to write about all the ways Mom is turning into my Grandma. Those of you who knew my Grandma will understand and those of you who didn't have the pleasure of knowing Betty Walraven will still be laughing out loud as you read the blog...It's going to be a funny one!

finally some good news!

Today was the day...Mom started chemo and radiation. Her appointment was at 10:24 and by 10:35 she was done. So far she is feeling good and she isn't in any pain. I noticed today that her face was getting puffy from the steroids but she still looks perfect to me! I am pretty emotional today...for several reasons. I have not had a restful sleep in quite a few days and when I do sleep I have some really weird dreams. I am pretty scared for Mom and battle she has ahead of her. I couldn't help but to think that everything was going to change starting today. I know Mom was emotional today too every time I looked at her she was teary eyed. I am having a hard time putting what I am feeling into words so it will be tabled for another blog.

We did get some good news today. Mom had an appointment to see Dr. Chuck ( Neurosurgeon ) today. He showed us her latest MRI scans and told us that a lot of the tumor was gone. The chemo wafers that he implanted during her surgery are still in there and will work in conjunction with her chemo pill and radiation. Dr said the wafers sloooowly dissolve over a long period of time and fight the bad cancer cells. He also looked at her incision and realized that the nurse left a stitch in so he got his tools and removed it. I told Mom that now he would charge her for an outpatient surgery. He also told us that he didn't feel the need to see her anymore. He said she had to many Dr's anyway :) He gave her a pep talk and told her to keep fighting and wished her well. He also told us to call anytime if we had questions or concerns. As happy as we are to have one less Dr...Dr. Chuck will be missed! When we left the office both Mom and I were crying and Dad said now whats wrong and we both said at the same time...HAPPY TEARS.....FINALLY SOME HAPPY TEARS!!!

Tomorrow Hannah has her appointment with the Breast Specialist. According to the mammogram and ultrasound results they are recommending a ultrasound core biopsy...which would mean more waiting for pathology reports.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate Hayden broke his leg at the skate park last weekend. Now we have orthopedic surgeon appointments to our Dr. appointments.

Total Dr count to date:

Mom - 5

Hannah - 3

Hayden - 2

Total 10

Total Dr appointments this week:

Mom - 6

Hannah - 1

Hayden - 2

Total 9

Never had her nails polished!

When my Grandma was alive she would cook breakfast at her house every Sunday morning. Everyone had an open invitation to her house for Sunday breakfast. When I say she cooked breakfast I don't mean opened a box of cereal I mean eggs, sausage, bacon, potatoes, toast, sometimes pancakes and french toast and what ever else she had in the fridge. Sometimes there were two people for breakfast and sometimes there were twenty. Somehow Grandma always had enough food. Lately we have started the 2010 edition of breakfast at Grandmas only we call it Sunday lunch / dinner at Moms..you bring the food and Dad pays! One Sunday Mom said she wanted the granddaughters to paint her finger and toe nails because SHE HAS NEVER HAD HER NAILS PAINTED! so we decided to have Sunday Paninis and Pedicures. Jeni and I taught Dad how to make paninis while the girls painted grandmas nails. The little girls each got a hand while the big girls each got a foot. They each got to choose their own color or colors and they went to town! When they were done Mom had 10 beautiful different colored fingers and toes some nails had two or three colors on them..it took hours to dry! The Dr's and nurses all made comments every time she had to take her shoes off and display her pink, green and purple toe nails. This Sunday Mom decided she wanted a touch up so now not only does she have 7 different colors but also polka dots and stripes. Hopefully our kids will cherish these Sundays with their Grandma as much as we did!

We thought this was going to be an uneventful week. Mom only has one appointment this week and that is today for an MRI. Mom and Dad are using the rest of the time to get ready for next week when all the treatments begin. We had an unexpected turn of events last week when Thursday morning Hannah told me she found a lump in her breast. We got her into the Dr that day and he set her up for a mammogram and ultrasound scan which they did yesterday. The results of the tests should be back to her Dr Friday. Hannah is both nervous and scared but is being very brave. I am so proud of her. I, on the other hand am a total and complete mess. Thanks to all my friends, Mom's friends and our family for their prayers and support!

100 Cards

I always knew Mom touched many lives but until she became ill I never realized just how many she has impacted. She mentioned to me a few days ago that she was upset because she was getting so many cards and she could not display them all. I looked around and she had some displayed in the kitchen and some in the living room. I commented that I could make some room on a shelf in the living room and I was sure she would be able to display them all. I started clearing a shelf and she began opening drawers and removing cards. I remember thinking holy crap this woman must have been saving every card she ever got her entire life. So I said "Mom I think I will only have room for the get well cards" and her reply was "These are all get well cards Bitch". She didn't really say the bitch part but those of you that were there when she first woke up after her seizure know thats what she lovingly called me for several hours....I like to remind her of this often. OK back to the cards...I could not believe how many cards she was handing me and she kept pulling out more. I came up with a better solution to display the cards and as Dan and I were hanging them I would read them as Mom would tell me who they were from. This was a great exercise for her memory. When we finished hanging them there were over 100 cards hanging in her living room. This does not include the five that were in the mailbox that day. There are no words to describe the love you feel when you walk into her living room and see all of her cards.

The last few days have been really good for Mom. She has been feeling good and doing a lot. She went to the Walraven reunion Saturday and stayed for several hours. I was so surprised when she called me that afternoon and told me she was home for a little while to rest and was heading back to the reunion. The next morning Mom and Dad were both awake very early and decided to go to the casino for a few hours....without telling us where they were going which they will never do again! She has her appetite back and is back on a regular sleep schedule.

Monday we saw Dr. Abramson the oncologist. He gave Mom her prescription for Temador which is her chemo. Temador is specifically for brain tumors. She is going to begin taking it Monday which will also be her first day of radiation. Dr. Abramson also scheduled her for weekly blood tests so the can keep track of her white blood count. It is common for chemo and radiation to lower your white blood counts.

Tuesday we saw Dr. Chakravarthi (Chuck) the neurosurgeon. He took out her sutures and gave her the green light to start radiation. He also ordered another MRI so all the Dr's could have a starting point to refer to. In 6 to 8 weeks she will have another MRI and the Dr's will compare the two to see how the chemo and radiation has effected the tumor. That will be a day filled with anxiety and extra prayers!

Tomorrow Mom has her fitting for her "mask" for radiation and after that they are heading up north camping for the weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that she wins enough at the casino while they are "camping" to buy a new computer!

Bev gets flocked!

This morning Mom woke up to lots of beautifully accessorized flamingos in her front yard. This was a great way to start her day. Thanks to Patricia, Jackie, Angie and several others that love her from Bangor Schools.

Yesterday was a difficult day. Mom had a appointment with Dr. Lawrence her Neurologist. The receptionist at the desk was absolutely horrible to Mom and us. After dealing with her Mom was so upset she was crying and couldn't talk. Don't get me wrong the medical part of the appointment went very well but that was seriously shaded by the treatment from the office staff. Dr. Lawrence feels comfortable with her progress neurologically and he is only requiring one more follow up visit and she will be done with him. She was so anxious and upset after the appointment that she was very sick for the rest of the night. I will spare you the details but believe me when I tell you she was REALLY sick.

Today we had our first appointment with the Radiologist Dr. Littles. The appointment took almost 2 1/2 hours and was the best most informative appointment so far. The staff at the JROCK are absolutely amazing. It was no surprise that Mom knew her nurse Joanie. I am beginning to think Mom knows everyone in the tri-cities. She is going to start radiation sometime after Tuesday. She has to wait until Dr. Chuck the Neurosurgeon says her incision is healed enough. When she starts radiation she will go M-F for 6 weeks. She will have radiation and chemo at the same time. Dr. Little and Joanie took so much time with us and explained everything about cancer cells, her specific kind of tumor and how the radiation kills the bad cancer cells. All of the questions we have had for weeks were answered and then some. It was a great appointment!

Next week Mom has appointments with the Oncologist and Neurosurgeon.

Tomorrow the Walravens are having a Family Reunion and Mom is planning on going. Hopefully she will be able to enjoy some time with relatives and get her mind off cancer for a little while.

Catching everyone up

I decided to start a blog to help keep family and friends informed on my Mom's health and journey with cancer. I choose the title I can't believe.....because I found myself saying that so much over the last several weeks. I remember the first time I said it, I was in the bathroom getting ready to go the hospital I looked in the mirror and said to myself I can't believe my Mom has a brain tumor. That was followed by a serious breakdown into a folded towel so I wouldn't wake my family. After that moment there have been so many I can't believe moments. Like, I can't believe my Mom is having brain surgery, I can't believe my Mom has cancer, I can't believe I just bought scarves for my Mom to cover her head. There have been so many I can't believe moments and I am sure there will be many more.

I will use this first blog as a catch-up blog so everyone can have the same information.

This all started April 29th. Dad called me and asked me to come down because Mom was acting funny. After giving Dad the what-for because he was bothering me while I was making dinner I decided he was being serious and I should go down there. When I got there I started talking to Mom and she seemed just fine. I began asking her questions and she could not give me the right answers. I asked her if she knew where she was and she said no. I asked her if she knew who I was and she looked me in the eyes and said no. I told Dad I was taking her to the hospital. I called my sister Jeni from the car and told her to meet us there. Dad and Jeni arrived seconds after we did. They took her back right away and began treating her for a stroke. They did CT scans and an MRI. The gave her the tpa drug because they were treating her within the first 3 hours of her symptoms. By this time she was no longer speaking. Not long after she received the tpa her room cleared out and we were told to wait with her until the drug started taking effect, anywhere from 1-3 hours. About 10 minutes later she began to have a seizure. Jeni ran to get a Dr and we tried to hold her down. They rushed us out of the room and the next time we saw her she intibated and unconscious. We called the boys and told them to get to the hospital asap. They moved Mom to the CCU where she stayed sedated for 2 days. The nurse she had continued letting her sedation medicine run out and I would have to go get her and tell her it was empty. I had it timed out that she had 5 minuets to give her another dose before she began to wake up. When she would begin to wake up her blood pressure would go up and she would pull on her restraints and gag on the tube. Needless to say this nurse Allison and I were not friends. During shift change Allison let Moms meds run out and when I went to find her the nurse at the desk Jackie told me she would be ok until Allison got back. By this time she was throwing up blood and was pulling her tube out. I went out of the room and yelled to the nurses to get down there right now. About 5 of them came running. They made us leave the room and Renee ( our sister in law ) went to get Jeni. Mom's new nurse Michelle came out and got us to see Mom. I asked Michelle if Mom knew who I was ans she said "I don't know come and find out :) " I went to Mom and said Hi and she said hi bitch and everything she said for and hour after that was curse words. It was so funny. I was deliriously happy because she was awake but listening to her swear was funnier than I can describe. Over the next few days she saw several Doctors and had several more tests. Her speech was impaired and her short term memory was bad. She was released from the hospital 7 days after she was admitted. She was sent home with the diagnosis of an ichemic stroke. 25 days later we brought her back to the hospital because she was having the same symptoms as last time. She was admitted and it seemed like they ran every test in the hospital on her. The CT scan showed no new blood clot. The MRI showed the old stroke site. The EEG was negative. They could not find anything wrong with her but clearly there was something wrong. On her 4th day in the hospital we were sure they were going to send her home. Her neurologist come in and said he wanted to do a different MRI one that went through the blood so they could see if they could figure out why she was having headaches. They took her right away and within 2 hours the neurologist was back with MRI scans. As soon as he set them down on the bed I knew it wasn't good. He compared the MRI from the month prior to the one he just ordered and there was clearly a tumor in her brain. I asked him what it was and he said he couldn't answer it and he would set us up with a neuro surgeon asap and he may be able to answer that question. The next morning we met with Dr Chuck the neuro surgeon and he scheduled surgery for the following day. I can't believe my Mom is having brain surgery! June 7th she had surgery, a Craniotomy and excision of tumor. The surgery was scheduled to take 4-5 hours. About 1 hour into the surgery Dr Chuck came out and said they decided to do a biopsy instead because when they opened her up they did not see what they expected to see and the pathologist working at the hospital could not be 100% certain what the tumor was. So they sent it out to several pathologists to get second opinions. June 9th Mom was released from the hospital to go home and wait for her results. I can't believe I am cleaning blood off my Mom's staples in her head. June 17th we had a follow up with Mom's family Dr. Potts. He received the results from the Mayo clinic and told us that Mom has brain cancer. June 22nd we went to see Dr. Chuck and scheduled another Craniotomy and excision of tumor for June 30th. June 28th we met with Dr. Abramson the oncologist He spent so much time with us and was very compassionate and reinforced to her that she was in charge of her cancer and he will do what she wants. He went over the Chemo with us and what would happen after the surgery. We all left his office feeling really good. June 29th Mom had another MRI to have a updated scan for surgery. Dr. Chuck called us later that night and told us the tumor has grown significantly and if Mom was still considering not doing chemo then he was not going to do surgery. By this time Mom had already decided to do both chemo and radiation. June 30th Mom had her 2nd surgery. Dr. Chuck removed as much of the tumor as he safely could and inserted 8 chemo wafers into the brain where he could not remove the tumor. She went to the NICU for the night and back up to the 6th floor to be released July 1st. July 2nd the chemo started kicking in and Mom got very ill for 2 days she couldn't eat and she slept most of the time. July 6th she began feeling much better. When I stopped by before work I was pleasantly surprised to see her up and dressed. She said she had already been working in her flowers and she felt really good. This brings us up to date through yesterday. Today we had an appointment with the Neurologist and tomorrow we see the Radiologist. I will blog an update on both appointments and how Mom is feeling tomorrow.